To clarify- I'm a feminist. While I know eating disorders have nothing to do with the media, or other's images of us- in fact, they have nothing to do with eating at all (the eating disorder is just a symptom of something larger)- I feel bad for feeling like the only way I can feel good about myself is to conform to this one image of being thin, thin, thin (was that enough "feel"ing for you?)
My feminist ethics and what I want for my body are two completely different things. Maybe I think thin is beautiful, but I know that idea has been planted in my head by corporations whose job it is to make women want the unattainable so they keep consuming their product to achieve this unattainable image. Oh, and at the one point that I did attain this image, I was completely miserable- mostly I was miserable, because I thought being thin would make me happy, and I was more unhappy than I had been in a long time- so I felt bad for feeling bad. Which is horrible.
On the other hand, I am very pro-feeling good about yourself. After struggling with anorexia for a long time, I have gained almost all of the weight I lost back, but now feel very happy about my life and myself. I just think I'm a little bit heavy. I genuinely think I'd feel better about my body 15 pounds lighter. I'm not "overweight" technically, and never have been. But, no matter what put that idea in my head, I still think thin is beautiful.
I think my solution to this would have to be to remain positive about myself and my diet for as long as I live and my diet continues. To realize that there's more to life than being thinthinthin. In a way, being in control of your body and how you feel about yourself is very feminist.
Anyways, I'd sort of like to start a community of pro-happiness, anti-ED, pro-feminist dieters. If that sounds like an oxymoron- well, I define my life on my own terms and those things are not mutually exclusive. You CAN be happy AND diet, you can be a feminist AND want to be thin. How do I know this?
I am all these things.
Stay positive ladies. You don't want to wake up in fifty years and reflect on a lifetime of trying to grow smaller. Remember to love yourSELVES no matter what, and to figure out what will make you love your body in a healthy, rational way.